Sometimes white women looking for black men are so caught up with their excitement about interracial dating, that they forget basic dating rules. The same goes the other way around of course. Their first time on an interracial date people tend to be either too shy or way to talkative, trying to tell the other person all about their cultural background and exotic genes. Well, ladies and gentlemen, it is true that being exotic might have something to do with your charm, but do not self-indulge too much! Being a good listener is much more important on a first date.
Allow enough time
Some people can start a discussion in seconds. Others need more time and they might need more time to reflect on their answers as well. If you date black men and they are quiet, it might be the easy thing to do to just take over the discussion. Soon enough, it will be only you talking and the date will turn into a monologue. Especially if your date is naturally shy, they will quickly get comfortable in a situation like that. But how are you going to get to know them, then?
Ask meaningful questions
If you met your date online, you probably already know the basics about their life, like their family status, profession and where they come from. On your first date try and ask meaningful questions that show you are really interested in the person sitting next to you. You can ask about their ambitions, childhood memories, their favorite way to spend their free time, what they love and hate about their job, what is their favorite holiday destination and why. Do not just settle for a one-word response, but ask them to elaborate. And listen carefully, of course!
The difference between hearing and listening is that when you listen to someone, you can recall what they told you. How many times have you been on a date and because you were bored or too excited, you were not really focused on what your date said? Really focusing on the answers of your date will help you a lot in the following dates. Think of how disappointed you would be if you mentioned your mother's or brother's name to someone and they kept asking “Who is that?”. If you really see a potential in this first date, then you need to put the effort to really get to know them through the little things.
Do not interrupt
This is basic good manners, but we fill the need to stress its importance even more, when it comes to dating. Interrupting will discourage any shy person from talking to you and it can irritate everyone else. No matter how bored you are, keep it to yourself. Maybe if you leave the person talking a bit more time, the story will become more exciting. Or not. But you will never know if you interrupt them!
Don't be all “I know what you mean. I have been there!”
Keep in mind that everyone experiences life through their own perspective. If your date has been robed and you have been robed too, it was probably a very different experience. And if someone decides to share something personal with you, you need to listen to them and, if you feel like it, support them. Making it about you only shows that you are selfish. This is a very common misunderstanding, as many people feel that the “I know what you mean” line brings people closer. Maybe, but only after your date has finished their story and their feelings about it.
Becoming a good listener takes some practice, but it is very rewarding, not only when it comes to dating, but also in a work and familycontext. Good luck!